My Prayer Diary

Dear GOD,

This is my first time to use blog as my prayer diary.
I used to write you notes and letters - but in a notebook.
This time - I try technology. I don't know yet - the effects of this... Dont know...
I just hope - this change would be a great help for me...

Father in heaven - my dear GOD... I love you...
How are you there in heaven? :) I believe you're ok, watching over me - and other people.
I can see you are enjoying yourself watching me what I am doing....

I'm so sorry... I missed you a lot.
I'm sure - you missed me a lot too...
You waited for so long, for me to call on you.

I have come into a state of not bothering you - I feel disgusted of myself
Guilt comes into my mind everytime I come to you in prayer like this.
I feel - I just call on you - if I'm distressed and in need.

But what can I do without you??? If I will not call you still, I may die in pride...
Pride because I choose not to call on you and kneel down before you
I should have chosen and choose to always believe that you are a forgiving GOD
Patiently waited for me to let go of my pride, to come into your presence
and sit once again in your lap:) Father GOD, I'm so sorry - of holding on too much on my pride,
To hold on still on my so called guilt feeling - and yet simply called Pride... I'm so sorry...
As what the Bible says - you are a forgiving GOD, slow to anger and full of compassion.
Im so sorry - that I am so full of hatred, bitterness and pride... I should have come to you
in a repentant heart for a long time. I pray for your forgiveness oh GOD...
Teach me to be humble and learn to lean on you all the time...

Cleanse me oh GOD with your blood... Cleanse my breathe with your own air.
Breathe on me oh LORD, for I am a sinful person - full of pride, anger and everything...
As what is being in said in the Bible - Pride comes before fall.. I pray that you remove me from downfall
Rescue me oh God and catch me, do not allow me to stick on the pitfall... rescue me LORD.

I need you oh GOD, I want you to rule over my LIFE. I missed our days...
Our days when I woke up 4 or 430 in the morning - I rushed up to the back of our house
went there in excitement - pray and pray out loud...

I missed the days of my life when after my prayer time with you and a ride a bus and jeep
going to school and eventually to work - i pray - talk to you -
I sometimes find myself caught by other people talking by myself
They just don't know - I am talking to a king like you:)
I MISSED OUR DAYS... Im so sure - you missed it first...

My heart is so calloused that I ignore much of your whispers reminding me of those times...
I'm so sorry... I hope you have forgiven me

GOD, can we restore that same relationship once again??? My struggles in life
had made my heart calloused once again.. For many times in my life - I can hear you speak
I refuse to listen, I refuse to respond - so selfish on my time - even a little time with u I cannot give
Im so sorry....

Come down to me Oh Lord that once again - I will run to you... turn to you all the time
and seek your face... I pray for my heart - A heart that knows you and a heart
after your own heart. I pray for myself, refresh me oh God, change my heart and
turn me to you... Teach me your ways - cause my ways are not your ways. Forgive me oh LORD
not just of my wrong doings but also because of heart, feelings and reactions towards you.

I have caused so much pain to you - now I know, now I realized....
You are the only one that makes me smile - when others surrounding me says - no reason to smile.
You're the only reason why I made such fearless decisions in life - when people surrounding me
says I cannot / no one can do it!!!
Youre the only reason - I became more positive - you influence
me positively in so many ways.
You never let go of me - I let go of you. I let go - without
knowing it... i let go because i choose to. I let go - because i simply dont care.

Even so that I have choose to let go of you - you still choose to whisper on me.
Many times - I heard you speak, many times - I feel your care - but I always choose
not to care - damn on me!!! I am so careless being... I dont mind - making you hapy
because I am selfish. Im sorry - me being selfish.. Im sorry of being me.

Im sorry because I know you did not gave me life just for nothing.
You gave me life because you love me, you gave me life because you care for me
You love me unconditionally - but I'm so selfish.

I pray in petition oh LORD, teach me to love you in return.
To learn to listen and obey you.
To care for you and your feelings too.
I pray for your forgiveness, and teach me to forgive myself and others too.
Stranggle me in this bondage of hurts, unnecessary hurts...
Take me away from here. Snatch me oh GOD...
Draw me near to you, pick me from where I have stumbled...

Let me feel you once again.
Let me hear you once again.
Let me listen to you once again.
Let me speak to you like before and sleep with you...
Teach me oh GOD.

Release me from where I am now...
Oh GOD... please...

This prayer I ask in the name of JESUS Christ our personal LORD and Savior - AMEN